I was eating some candy and looked on the wrapper, and it said made from natural and artificial flavors. You could just say flavors.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

All the stars in the sky cannot worth as much as yours only because it belongs to you.

Don't leave a piece of jewelry at his house so you can go back and get it later; he may be with his real girlfriend.

I never decided at all to be an artist; being an artist seems to have happened to me.

Do people think Swedes are cool? I think they think you're cool in spite of you being Swedish. But the good thing with being Swedish is that we're melancholic.

All of political history history can be summed up as a struggle to throw the bad guys out and put the good guys in.

I'm a little bit more of a relaxed, lazy mother.

Movies mirror the times, they do not create them.

Being obsessed by goals is bad for you. You should set goals, even ambitious goals, regularly. But focus on them only to the extent that they give you direction.

Taking life seriously requires taking death seriously.

Well I got a bad liver and broken heart, yeah,I drunk me a river since you tore me apart