I was getting dressed and a peeping tom looked in the window, took a look and pulled down the shade.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Every good thing comes to some kind of end, and then the really good things come to a beginning again.

I love the concept of the romance that exists when people are broken. Like, the promise of a romance when you're at the bottom. I think that's infinitely compelling and romantic.

Fashion is more art than art is

Discipline is what you use when you don't want to do something, when you have to force yourself.

Since I spend such a long time making each book, I only choose books that I'm really interested in and that I really love.

Jesus clearly said that you can do all that he did if you can believe, if you can center yourself in the creative flow, as he was always centered.

The royal commissions are successful and effective when they have a focused terms of reference and can do the job quickly and report. And then action can be taken.

Faithfulness is to the emotional life what consistency is to the life of the intellect - simply a confession of failures.

Back of the sound broods the silence, back of the gift stands the giving; Back of the hand that receives thrill the sensitive nerves of receiving.

I kind of have a rededication in my life now to acting because I'm very fond of being in this movie.