I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

I like life. It's something to do.

Hope means hang on.

Your love for me should be a passionate desire to pray for me daily.

I want my life to mean something!

Hydrogen is a light, odorless gas, which, given enough time, turns into people.

It's amazing to me that we let humans drive cars... It's a bug that cars were invented before computers.

I'm very interested to see how this new painting will go - I know I want it big and stark, and as I said, I follow the muse, and that's when it always works perfectly for me.

The important thing is, that I guess I don't spend any time thinking about what I am or what we do means. I spend my time doing it.

The opening line from a journal can be the beginning of a song.

she loved to walk down the street with a book under her arm. It had the same significance for her as an elegant cane for the dandy a century ago. It differentiated her from others.

You're put in certain situations and it kind of opens up those doors and it opens up your eyes to realize what your true calling was.