I was going to get an abortion the other day. I totally wanted an abortion. And it turns out I was just thirsty.

Your inability to see yourself clearly is what's keeping you alive.

I looked up and saw the shape of a heart made by the silhouette of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon kissing.

We need to stop telling girls they can be anything they want when they grow up. Because it would have never occurred to them that they couldn't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

People are always introducing me as Sarah Silverman, Jewish comedienne. I hate that! I wish people would see me for who I really am — I'm white!

Jews, black people - any people who are hated or who have suffered, either as individuals or as a people - use humour. It is a survival skill.

I hope the Jews did kill Christ, I'd do it again in a second.

Drew Friedman isn't just a brilliant artist. He takes you to a place. He takes you back in time. He makes you smell the stale cigarettes and cold brisket and you say, thank you for the pleasure.

They've got great parents; I'm just trying to be the fun uncle.

I like talking about things that are taboo, because it makes them not taboo anymore.

In your trembling touch of love, I lost my past, present, and future.

The library is like a candy store where everything is free.

This FEMINIST Goes Hard.

No rain but thunder, and the sound of giants.

Jesus was the meeting place of eternity and time, the blending of deity and humanity, the junction of heaven and earth.

We form ourselves within the vocabularies that we did not choose, and sometimes we have to reject those vocabularies, or actively develop new ones.

It would be a fine thing, in which I hardly dare believe, to pass our lives near each other, hypnotized by our dreams.

Every day can be a platform to get you closer to your mountaintop. And yet, too many people live life by accident.

Being at home with my family always inspires me. I find it hard to be inspired when I'm on the move. I'm not creative when I'm jet-lagged and sleeping in strange hotels.