I was going to tape some records onto a cassette, but I got the wires backwards. I erased the all of the records. When I returned them to my friend, he said, "Hey, these records are all blank."

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Words only make sense when the person who says them means a lot.

So such is life that it writes itself, trying to right itself, but there's nothing wrong with it.

Home is where you feel at home and are treated well.

We can only belong when we offer our most authentic selves and when we're embraced for who we are.

I'm most inspired whenever I hear of even the smallest act of human kindness.

Henry's breath hissed out through his teeth. That ba-bad man, he finished, with a quick glance at Cecily, who rolled her eyes.

We don't want protectionism at the heart of the European Union.

There's less violence in the world when people are using Hula-Hoops.

I'm one of the lucky actors in television. I don't make a lot of big waves, but there's constant activity, and that's the way I prefer to live my life.

Life is soul's nursery- its training place for the destinies of eternity.