I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

A person can do incredible things if he or she has enough hope.

I think there's a little me hiding behind your leg, Chichi.""I'm Goten.""I'm Goku. Hi!"...."Daddy!

There are seeds of self-destruction in all of us that will bear only unhappi-ness if allowed to grow.

I like the fact that music is more abstract.

Real people do real things. A collective of a whole bunch of people who do things in their own locale, in their own neighborhoods - the sum is bigger than the parts, and the parts will grow.

I believe without any doubt that you are the finest generation this Church has ever had.

I was scared when I lost my mother, my father, my brother, my sister.

Love, I take it, must look toward something not quite accessible, something not quite understood.

But family life sometimes had a vortex, like weather. It could be like a tornado in a quiet zigzag: get close enough and you might see within it a spinning eighteen-wheeler and a woman.

The fear of hell is the basis for the Christian faith.