I was in rare fettle and the heart had touched a new high. I don't know anything that braces one up like finding you haven't got to get married after all.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine.

I always advise people never to give advice.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

Gussie, a glutton for punishment, stared at himself in the mirror.

It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.

As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.

Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.

Wherever, I am, you will always be in my heart.

Sometimes love can be both the punishment and the crime.

There is no need for a long, persuasive introduction about self-confidence. If you are not a confident person, you already know it.

I think the first time baby recognises me and smiles is going to be one of the most amazing times of my life, to be honest.

Some types of nothing are more fun than other types of nothing.

You know why I'm pulling your leg? Because I can't touch it from where I am.

Every problem comes with an equal or greater opportunity

I'm old enough to make you look like an embryo. [Thorn]

I saw not till now what sin brings with it - that we must tread others underfoot.