I was just the youngest in the family, and most in desperate need of attention.

My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.

Don't compare yourself with someone else's version of happy or thin. Accepting yourself burns the most calories.

Being in therapy is great. I spend an hour just talking about myself. It's kinda like being the guy on a date.

I constantly walk into a room and I don't remember why. But for some reason, I think there's going to be a clue in the fridge.

I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had 3 eggs... but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.

I always feel slightly sorry to be the voice of whatever I'm experiencing.

I'd like a pop-up magazine with 45 articles on Russell Crowe. I'm like a teenager. I'd have 'Teen Beat' if I could, for grown-ups.

Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it's a second language.

I grew up thinking that if I wanted to go be prime minister, I could.

I always like to think I'm having a dinner party, and I'm the host, and the audience are my guests.

As for hobbies, people with stimulating hobbies suffer from the most noxious of despairs since they are tranquilized in their despair.

I must confess that waltzes do not move me, I guess I hummed the blues too early, and spent too many midnights out wailing to the rain.

If you want pancakes for breakfast, offer to help make them.

But the answer to how to live is to stop thinking about it. And just to live. But you're doing that anyway. However you intellectualise it, you still just live.

I loathe, I hate, chick flicks.

I have written a great many stories and I still don't know how to go about it except to write it and take my chances.

We are now running out of time, and the question now is not what is happening to the climate, but how bad will it be before the world starts doing enough?

The difference between camels and men; a camel can work a week and not drink; a man can drink a week and not work.

Living an environmentally responsible lifestyle can seem like a Scrooge-like list of don'ts. Don't take that flight, don't buy that car, don't eat those blueberries flown in from somewhere far-flung.

Sleep is over-rated. Have you ever noticed how it's always recommended to people anybody with half a brain can see need to wake up?