I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

I was mad when I heard The Amazing Race wasn't about white people.

I once fisted two babies and then used the corpses as boxing gloves to fight off the grieving parents.

It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.

In New York, we tip everyone. We tip doormen, we tip cab drivers, and we tip bartenders at the bar. You'll get quite an evil eye if you don't leave a tip at the bar.

I like hot dogs. I like eggplant. I like pizza and creamed corn and beer. But I don't like Arabs.

The best way to travel abroad is to live with the locals.

I don't mind it if blacks want equal rights, as long as they mean rights equal to a dog

It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

I always liked the story of Noah's Ark and the idea of starting anew by rescuing the things you like and leaving the rest behind.

If you love everyone without judging them, then you will never be able to find an enemy.

It's all well and good to look back after the fact and see what we should have done, but we rarely know what path is best when we take that first step.

I’m not bipolar, I’ve just had a bipolar life foisted upon me.

Human understanding more easily invents new things than new words.

It is easier to visit friends than to live with them.

Anything worthwhile is tough.

Drinking alcohol takes you into a lower state of mind. If you drink a lot of it, things get very fuzzy and they are not very sharp or defined. This brings you into a lower state of attention.

Even if I could not earn a penny from my writing, I would earn my livelihood at something else and continue to write at night.

… it was raining on Himmel Street when the world ended for Liesel Meminger. The sky was dripping. Like a tap that a child has tried its hardest to turn off but hasn’t quite managed.

By focusing too myopically on what we want God to do on our behalf, we may miss the significance of what he has already done.