I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

You cannot till this year’s land using last year’s sun.

The rest of the world laughed at American gymnastics before I came.

I never thought I'd be a person who would want to write books...I promise you not a single English teacher I've ever had would have thought that this would be going on right now.

More like some small, fierce bird of prey, something with a sharp bite. An owl perhaps, that speaks only when the rest of the world sleeps. Jenny will do well enough.

I've got a penny-ante talent, out of which I try to drum up a living for myself. And what nobody seems to realize is that it's just as difficult to get a bad idea as a good one.

I don't cook. I think they named the 'Mike'-rowave after me.

An obstacle is something you see when you take your eyes off the goal Few great men could pass personnel

You must know your faith with the same precision with which a specialist in information technology knows the operating system of a computer.

Fear is the root of all courage.