I was on the dance floor but I couldn't hear the band.

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

They claim red meat is bad for you. But I never saw a sick-looking tiger.

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

Only fools live in the past or carry envy to the present.

Golf is the most fun you can have with out taking your clothes off.

I read the greens in Spanish, but I putt in English.

Remember you have to be comfortable. Golf is not a life or death situation. It's just a game and should be treated as such. Stay loose.

I never prayed that I would make a putt. I prayed that I would react well if I missed.

Then Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in. I'll caddie for Jack.

I am a millionaire today and my wife deserves all of the credit. Before I met her I was a multi-millionaire.

Don't let the guilt of the past keep you from the victories of the future.

If men had to bear babies, there'd never be more than one child in a family.

women who once aspired to the image of superwoman now worry about becoming superdrudge. Those who wanted to have it all now ask whether they have to do it all.

The dreams of existence of that we call time, space, matter, subject, object, yin, yang - everything flows forth from this tai chi.

Become someone's hero.

A banjo will get you through times of no money, but money won't get you through times of no banjo

DNA has been aptly described as the first three-dimensional Xerox machine.

Women are foils to men. It is hard for women to take a lead role even in NGOs for political resistance.

The young people were playing that still more absorbing game in which hearts are always trumps.

Next time y'all need to find me, just rub these two wires for the doorbell.