I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

Emulate greatness to be great.

IBM is helping to greatly advance and expedite quality sampling while providing our project investigators peace of mind that the information they are gathering is securely stored and protected.

I guess he believes if a lie is big enough and repeated often enough, it will be believed.

He was my cream, and I was his coffee - And when you poured us together, it was something.

If you do not go within, you without

Self-pity is an ignoble emotion, but we all feel it, and the orthodox critical line that it represents some kind of artistic flaw is dubious, a form of emotional correctness.

Keep courage. Whatever you do, do not feel sorry for yourself. You will win in a great age of opportunity.

It's better to forget than remember me and cry.

Do not believe that any one can know, better than yourself, what is right for you. Listen to what others have to say, but always form your own conclusions.

The one who cannot see that on Earth a big endeavor is taking place, an important plan, on which realization we are allowed to collaborate as faithful servants, certainly has to be blind.