I was quite pleased that Prince Philip didn't say anything like, I hate queers! He was quite well behaved.

I was at college doing performing arts, and just spending all my time mucking about, and the lecturers thought I would be pretty good at stand-up, so I gave it a whirl.

I hate Shakespeare. I think Shakespeare's rubbish.

A lot of comedians, when they have a bad gig, will blame everything but themselves. They'll blame the crowd, or the room was wrong, it had a weird vibe, or the promoter promoted a weird atmosphere.

I'm just generally hugely frustrated, I'm a very, very frustrated man. I'm just a ball of pent-up frustration.

I didn't really want to be a comedian.

I still get excited about meeting celebrities, because I don't think I'm a celebrity myself.

I've met Nicole Kidman, Elton John, loads of people.

Modern man threw a brick through his own window in order to sell himself a burglar alarm.

The whole business of smoking is like forcing yourself to wear tight shoes just to get the pleasure of taking them off.

I like old people falling over, that's what makes me laugh.

I am looking forward to the departure of the corrupt Obama administration in 2017.

As artists give themselves to their models, and poets to their classical pursuits, so must we addict ourselves to prayer.

Fear and anxiety were exploited by zealots and fools.

I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me.

The trend has been mobile was winning. It's now won.

If historians of philosophy are to be divided into those who focus on discontinuities and those who focus on continuities, I belong in the latter camp.

The best diplomacy starts with getting to know each other.

I never really saw my dad as entertained as when he was just completely blown away by somebody on the television screen or at the movies. I think that's the real reason that I went into acting.

Music is magic. Music does s**t that money could never do. Music unites nations and stops wars.

Loss is imaginary. Nothing ever disappears in the universe; it only changes form.