I was really gifted at being able to construct a joke, but it's like they weren't even memorable, my first jokes, because they were so about nothing.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

God felt sorry for actors, so he gave them a place in the sun and a lot of money. All they had to sacrifice was their talent.

You explore concepts and things that interest you, but you are also exploring inside of yourself.

In a decade, America's mighty rivers will have reached the boiling point.

Fate is not an eagle, it creeps like a rat.

However wicked men may be, they do not dare openly to appear the enemies of virtue, and when they desire to persecute her they either pretend to believe her false or attribute crimes to her.

I started thinking about [ what book is going to go next] when I was working on As Easy as Falling Off the Face of the Earth.

No public interest is anything other or nobler than a massed accumulation of private interests.

On-base percentage really doesn't mean that much.

Politics is about putting yourself in a state of grace.

One by one, I could find a house that somebody had restored properly, and then another one, and now it's like a virus. Everybody in Palm Springs wants to do it.