I was so ugly my parents had to hang a pork chop around my neck to get the dog to play with me.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

A stolen kiss is not easily returned.

As we don't live in a perfect world, try to spend 80% of your time doing important but not urgent activities

Forgetfulness transforms every occurrence into a non-occurrence.

God bless the King, and grant him long to Reign.

Fashion is in the sky, in the street.

The truths we conceal don't disappear Raheen, they appear in different forms

Cord blood stem cell units have been shown to be a suitable alternative to adult bone marrow for the treatment of many diseases, including sickle cell anemia.

To the wind with what the world thinks about us. We are not to seek the approval of earth, but the honor of heaven.

We can afford no liberties with liberty itself.