I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

I do think certain kinds of music can make you violent. Like, when I listen to Nickelback, it makes me want to kill Nickelback.

I've been trying to quit smoking weed and it's really hard quitting pot. It was actually easier to become a vegetarian because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of beef.

Metal is the feeling of being an outsider, but still being part of something huge.

Because I go outside sometimes, I'm exposed to terrible, terrible music in public.

Good comedy makes you laugh, and bad comedy makes people you hate laugh.

I like any big city. I like any place where you can see a guy with a pants-full of pooh fighting a ghost.

I also smoke a lot of pot, occasionally, every day.

My act is pretty much me reflecting on what I want to talk about and what I think is funny and what has happened to me.

As a comic, I used to know more about pop culture.

Metal is easily my favorite thing - Exodus and Anthrax and Megadeth - so it just kind of organically came through in the standup act.

A woman’s mission centered on home and family — vital spheres of ministry to be sure, but only a slice of the vast mission God originally cast by calling women to rule and subdue the earth.

...every year for decades there had been great excitement over the Largest Vegetable competition ("That would be my husband", was the standard comment).

Don't you think saying goodbye to your child will make your death more painful?""Wouldn't it be great if it did?" I said. Lucy and I both felt that life wasn't about avoiding suffering.

Put your shoulder to the wheel.

The aim of fiction is absolute and honest truth.

When God's mercies are coming, their footfalls are our desires to pray.

My father was the first to see through the schemes of the white man.

I think baseball has such a way of humbling you. You can go 20-for-20, and before you know it, you're going to go through an 0-for-30. It has that way of knocking you back down to earth.

No American is prepared to attend his own funeral without the services of highly skilled cosmeticians. Part of the American dream, after all, is to live long and die young.

We need to increase our military spending. We need to deal with a no- fly zone in Syria, a safe zone.