I was supposed to be on the Tonight Show but I broke my shoulder instead.

Carrot Top... I gave him advice once and he ran with it. He should thank me.

Red Skelton... I broke into tears when I met him.

I went to Sirius Satellite Radio and did my show, Rapping With Rip.

Marty Richards is an angel on Earth. A producer that does what he says he'll do. He helped me greatly.

I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

Because someone stole Gregory Peck's star on Hollywood Blvd., I have hired a Brink's guard to protect my star!

Sometimes the thing one wants most is the very thing that will get him killed with an axe.

We're just getting started. We're just beginning to meet what will be the future-we've got the Model T.

As far as Apple goes, it was a different company every few years from the time I joined in 1984.

I have read many studies out of the Karolinska Institute in Sweden and they demonstrated that Vitamin E, Co-Q-10, and Fish Oil could protect the immune system of athletes and prevent disease.

Over the next four years, I will continue to listen to different views and accept different suggestions.

Good thoughts bear good fruit.

I have never had a single positive doping test, and I do not take performance-enhancing drugs.

But to die of laughter--this, too, seems to me a great euthanasia.

In my experience, we only ever regret the things we have not done.

Philosophy is an elegant thing, if anyone modestly meddles with it; but if they are conversant with it more than is becoming, it corrupts them.