I was very surprised when last I bought a packet of cigarettes and had to request a refund as I read a warning that told me "smoking can cause fatal lung cancer".

I would say happy new year, but it's not happy; it's exactly the same as last year except colder.

I was very surprised when last I bought a packet of cigarettes and had to request a refund as I read a warning that told me 'smoking can cause fatal lung cancer'.

My daughter told me she wasn't afraid of spider but that she was afraid of my smoking. She said that she was afraid of my dying.

Embryonic cells, by their very definition, are not from your body. Right now, inside your body, you have everything necessary to build what you need now.

The government are tightening up on ID for sales of tobacco and alcohol so I recommend that young people take more drugs.

I will now sing another song for your pleasure. Now, if you like Phil Collins...you should be shot in the head.

From the moment I could even understand what “respect” was I knew it was not a choice but the ONLY option.

Take time to be kind and to say 'thank you.'

I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.

Coincidence is the science of the true believer.

All men want to be treated like kings in a relationship, and I think if women don't indulge that sometimes, their men are likely to stray and look for someone who can give that to them.

It's very important with an artificial leg that all high heels are exactly the same height.

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.

Yes. The whole point about laughter is it's like mercury: you can't catch it, you can't catch what motivates it - that's why it's funny.

There's so much more to Colombia than drug trafficking, you have no idea. They're a bit worn out by the association.

Standardization does not produce although admirable as an efficiency method.