I was woefully ignorant in the social graces. I was being raised, after all, by Pellinore Warthrop.

Why did they come billions of miles just to stare at us? It's rude.

But hope is no less realistic than despair. It is still our choice whether to live in light or lie down in darkness.

Even the most sensitive person can get used to even the most insensitive thing. Cruelty isn’t a personality trait. Cruelty is a habit.

You know how sometimes you tell yourself that you have a choice, but really you don't have a choice? Just because there are alternatives doesn't mean they apply to you.

Sometimes in my tent, late at night, I think I can hear the stars scraping against the sky.

So often the monsters that crowd our minds are nothing more than the strange and thoroughly alien progeny of our own fearful fantasies.

You are the nest. You are the hatchling. You are the chrysalis. You are the progeny. You are the rot that falls from stars. You may not understand what I mean. You will.

You can only call someone crazy if there’s someone else who’s normal. Like good and evil. If everything was good, then nothing would be good.

It's almost dawn. You can feel it coming. The world holds its breath, because there's really no guarantee that the sun will rise. That there was a yesterday doesn't mean there will be a tomorrow.

It's hard to plan for what comes next when what comes next is not something you planned for.

Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt.

make your worst day is the best day in your life, because surely there's something missing within our self without it, so we can be who we are now, the wiser and the mature one

I've heard that the best way to help poor people is to make sure you don't become one of them

Hearing my daughter laugh is the best way to lift my spirit.

I know exaggerators of both kinds: people whose lies are only picturesque adjectives, and people whose picturesque adjectives are only lies.

I played the tour in 1967 and told jokes and nobody laughed. Then I won the Open the next year, told the same jokes, and everybody laughed like hell.

...and while ambition sleeps inside of me I content myself with memories of glitter and despair.

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.

I thought it was a really good contrast to have a really sweet, sincere, church girl sitting next to the church lady who seemed kind of, you know, over the top.

Persons of slender intellectual stamina dread competition, as dwarfs are afraid of being run over in the street.