I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS. My favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.

Liberals feel unworthy of their possessions. Conservatives feel they deserve everything they've stolen.

My life needs editing.

People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.

I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.

When Obama ran, he said, We can change the world! The world: can you change it back?!

There's a danger our fiscal bankruptcy might overtake our moral bankruptcy.

A conservative is someone who believes in reform. But not now.

Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.

One thing about being narrow-minded: you'll never be lonely.

Directing praise to oneself is to cash in on the ego in order to bankrupt the soul.

The left dismisses talk about the collapse of family life and talks instead about the emergence of the growing new diversity of family types.

To succeed in the business of the future we have to become the very people we are trying to reach

Police on my drawers I had to pause 40 ounce in my lap And it's freezing my balls

The combative instinct is a savage prompting by which one man's good is found in another's evil.

Today we say all art is political. But I'd say all art has to do with ethics. Which after all really comes to the same thing. It's a matter of attitudes.

I think I'd like to be remembered as someone who really helped people to have a little humility and realize that we are part of the animal kingdom not separated from it.

God's blessings are dispensed according to the riches of his grace, not according to the depth of our faith.

I like a lot of glasses about - it highers the tone.

Is she kind as she is fair?