I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier theywouldn't have to go so fast.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

Diversity isn’t a trend

Compromise is when one person wants to rob a bank and the other person does not, and they compromise to rob a person outside of the bank.

I enjoy wine collecting and great food.

You can be standing right in front of the truth and not necessarily see it, and people only get it when they're ready to get it.

Some people get up in the morning, don't go to the gym, they go take a shower. Well, I go to the gym, and I get a shower too.

Homework is a term that means grown up imposed yet self-afflicting torture.

It will take hard work, but doing nothing on Social Security, for example, simply makes sure the system will go broke. It's time to make some reforms.

I just stay away from the news and try and find people around me who are doing positive things and look to them.

When I was a child, I wanted to raise horses in Wyoming or be a cabin boy on a pirate ship.

We do not have to get rid of consumer-capitalist society before we can begin to build the new way. The way to replace the old system is to ignore it to death.