I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.

I don't like lollipops.

Artemis Fowl will never be secondary." "I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?" said Holly.

Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.

I hear that you were on a date with Trouble Kelp. Are you two planning on building a bivouac any time soon?

Either that boy is the sanest creature on Earth, he thought, or he is so disturbed that our tests cannot even begin to scratch the surface.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

Butler was seeing the world as it was, complete with L.E.P retrival team

Being in command means making tough decisions. Not being in command means shutting up and doing what you're told. --Artemis Fowl

I never tell anyone exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared.

It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.

If Fran Lebowitz and Ian Fleming had blessed the world with a love child it would have been author J. Fields Jr.

Everything that happens around and within us is a reflection of our thoughts, imaginations, and actions.

Truth or dare...truth ain't fair. Marshal Robert Quantrell - Belle Starr: Dead Man's Hand (work in progress)

Every single element of this universe is interesting, all you need is to take a look.

Tunney has all the makings of a hero – he was clean living, intelligent, polite, reasonably good-looking – but, like Lou Gehrig, he lacked the chemistry that stirred affection.

"What do you think of God " the teacher asked. After a pause the young pupil replied "He's not a think he's a feel."

There's no such thing as a nonworking mother.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives.

When you stop hoping you start settling.

I think I spent my whole childhood diving out of haylofts with my BB gun and coming out shooting.