I went camping and borrowed a circus tent by mistake. I didn't notice until I got it set up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.

I am not a snob, because I know opulence doesn't stamp out ignorance and unhappiness.

You are whatever you shall leave behind when you leave life!

If you lovesomeone, tell them.

I had to live in the desert before I could understand the full value of grass in a green ditch.

I have a problem with censorship by the lawyer - by legal people by the publishing firm, and I may be changing publishers. They don't seem to want to take too many risks with living people.

The right amount of complexity is what creates the optimal simplicity

In a sense, having cancer takes you by the shoulders and shakes you.

I gained nothing at all from Supreme Enlightenment, and for that very reason it is called Supreme Enlightenment.

Are you asking me or telling me?

In misery's darkest cavern known, His useful care was ever nigh Where hopeless anguish pour'd his groan, And lonely want retir'd to die.