I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Don’t take away my dignity While patching up my broken dreams

Sometimes our dreams are affirmed in the most unlikely ways by the mostunlikely people. That’s why we need to speak our commitment out loud.

In Rome the statues, in Paris the paintings, and in Prague the buildings suggest that pleasure can be an education.

While formal schooling is an important advantage, it is not a guarantee of success nor is its absence a fatal handicap.

I who was a house full of bowel movement, I who was a defaced altar, I who wanted to crawl toward God could not move nor eat bread.

There's always darkness around, and if you focus on the darkness, you don't know where to go. But if you direct yourself at the light - there it is! It's right there.

Childlike in faith means the daily acknowledgment of utter dependence and that I owe my life and being to another.

Needless to say, I have more no-hitters than Nolan Ryan.

Whatever happened in the neighborhood. That's what I was rapping about. And that sparked people's interest. And that's what kind of put me on that path.

As more consumers demand less sugar, the food and beverage manufacturers will eventually come into line with what the consumers want.