I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

Even if I spent the whole day with you, I would miss you the second you leave.

Work is a blessing when it helps us to think about what were doing

Most women do not want to be liberated from their essential natures as women.

I think I'm a workaholic, but I'm a workaholic that is loving his work.

I can expect no sympathy or help from my family.

I sincerely believe that the collective efforts of many secularists during the past generation, resulting in the expulsion from our schools and from the public square, has left us vulnerable.

I want to maximize my potential as a player. I want to be as good as I could possibly be. And if I do that, I think I could be one of the best players out there.

I like Jailhouse Rock and Love Me Tender. The black-and-white films. With music, I tend more toward the '70s stuff because I was at the shows for those, so they bring back memories.

My mother was very sympathetic. She was the one who really gave me the courage to take my freedom.

Since the dawn of history, mankind has honoured and respected brave and honest people.