I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings

I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it.

They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I'm more concerned about the adults.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds, 14 people showed up, it was overcast.

I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

To change her mind is a woman's prerogative, to change his mind is a man's purgatory.

A person has to be comfortable in his or her own skin.

I hope that you're learning how important you are, how important each person you see can be. Discovering each one's specialty is the most important learning.

It's important for survival that children have their own experiences, the kind they learn from. The kind their parents arrange for are not as useful. Good parents are the hardest to get rid of.

You feel pretty gross when you are first pregnant. You don't feel cute, you feel disgusting. You're getting fat. It was hard.

Power is supposed to be so corrupt. I don't think it's so much corrupt, in the usual sense of the word, as stupid and unrealistic. The more power a person has, the further he gets from reality.

The secret of success in life is known only by those who have not succeeded.

My great love is my home county of Cornwall, I love to sit and watch people enjoying themselves on the beaches and in the harbour towns of Cornwall.

As history shows, childless women in America eventually provoke hysteria.

Certainly the modern poets I cherish most are disturbing spirits; they do not come to coo.