I went to high school in Lexington, Massachusetts, which in hindsight was very nice.

I don't have a kid, but I think that I would be a good father, especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I don't speak French, but I took it for five years growing up. So, if I were in a situation where I had to be, like, 'Excuse me, pineapple dog house red, what time is it library?' - no problem.

If no one figures out you are pretending to be retarded, your life will be greeted with treasure.

A lot of people think that kids say the darnedest things. But so would you if you had no education. You'd just be like, I am bike cheese. Because you wouldn't know what words were.

What do you think you should do if you're attacked by a bear? Play dead? No - that's a lie promoted by the bears.

What I think you should do is imagine people in their underwear but then also imagine them crying, and that - that is truly relaxing.

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Why is no one talking about all the potential savings from a complete economic collapse?

If things are really overwhelming and you need to talk, you can give me a call at 347-273-2044.

In America, Qualification is simply an attitude. I've adopted it. So, yes. I am qualified.

There's a divinity that shapes our ends, Rough-hew them how we will.

You are the ONLY you there is, you have a purpose, you are not just a biomass

That natural disasters are required to provide Americans with a glimpse of reality in their own country is an indication of the deep rot infecting the official political culture.

Create from the heart.

The need is necessary.

At around 19 I realized that I really didn't have any skills other than making people laugh, so I should probably pursue it full-time.

The two defining issues of this century are both universal but felt locally: the global water crisis and the resources boom.

It doesn't matter who wins if I don't. I only care if I win. I'm jealous of anyone else who wins.

Philosophy: a purple bullfinch in a lilac tree.

It's being willing to walk away that gives you strength and power - if you're willing to accept the consequences of doing what you want to do.