I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

If there were only one truth, you couldn't paint a hundred canvases on the same theme.

Greatness is so often a courteous synonym for great success.

Society attacks early, when the individual is helpless.

It's all right for a woman to be, above all, human. I am a woman first of all.

Racing has reached the point where it is pricing the young driver, no matter his talent, out of the game.

Be careful to make a good improvement of precious time.

The coral zoophyte may be leveled by transported masses swept over by the waters; yet like the trodden sod, it sprouts again, and continues to grow and flourish as before.

[Hamas] lives on their rifles and bombs.

I have Van Gogh's ear for music

An evangelical is somebody who, first of all, has a very high view of Scripture, believes it's an infallible message from God.