I went to play golf and tried to shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

A taste for ostentation is rarely associated in the same souls with a taste for honesty

Bad is always afraid of good and that is the reason why bad tries to eliminate good!

Your premium brand had better be delivering something special, or it's not going to get the business.

The best form of meditation is the sitting meditation. But work is next. Work is a great way to meditate.

Even with the best of maps and instruments, we can never fully chart our journeys.

Each day's a gift of Life divine a precious jewel that's yours and mine!

I'm a very conceptual writer.

I'm still a mod, I'll always be a mod, you can bury me a mod.

An artist is a person who thinks more than there is to think, feels more than there is to feel, and sees more than there is to see.

What is a movie star? A movie star is many things. They can be tall, short, thin, or skinny. They can be Democrats... or skinny.