I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

I've got a kid in Africa that I feed, that I clothe, that I school, that I inoculate for 75 cents a day. Which is practically nothing compared to what it cost to send him there.

People say it's easy to make fun of retarded people, but it's not. You really have to explain it to them.

Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence; because if she doesn't have that, then she’s mine.

My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.

The world is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: 'Not today, you bastards.'

Yesterday I accidentally hit a little kid with my car. It wasn't serious — nobody saw me.

You'll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old's cold dead hands.

I got an email from my ex, telling me that she has AIDS. I didn't know how to comfort her, so I just wrote back I know.

I've got a long history of suicid in my family; the good news is it skips a generation, so, if I'm lucky, my kids will kill themselves.

One day, when I am a braver man, I will tell her these things, and then I will look her in the eye tell her I love her and ask her to be only mine. But until that day, we're just friends.

All beings tremble before violence.All fear death.All love life.See yourself in others.Then whom can you hurt?What harm can you do?

No character, however upright, is a match for constantly reiterated attacks, however false.

that strange conflict in the American character: we pride ourselves on being the melting pot of the world but we insist on regarding most immigrants with suspicion.

I don't love dolls. I love women. I love their bodies

The kiss....was not meant to seduce, it was meant to mark a woman's soul. Chloe

The essence of design... lies in the process of discovering a problem shared by many people and trying to solve it.

Water finds the easiest path down a mountain.

I am getting on in years, and I have a very extensive IMDB page, and I cannot keep track of my own credits.

We have only God on our side; they have 'In God We Trust' on their side.