I will never understand why you Humans weren’t designed to recycle your body’s water after filtering waste. It’s just so much more efficient.

When a Dragon, an Elf, and a Human walk into a bar, the Human is always going to be the punch line.

Fireball doesn’t need a search warrant.

To read a newspaper is to refrain from reading something worthwhile. [....] The first discipline of education must therefore be to refuse resolutely to feed the mind with canned chatter.

You are not only fighting for your own rights, you are also fighting for the rights of the next generations of women.Your strength today will determine their fate tomorrow.

[T]he myth that there was somehow a magic wand in the early 1980s to cure AIDS - a wand that Reagan deliberately refused to wave - is now almost conventional wisdom.

My colleagues thought I was an embarrassment because I was talking about mind, body, spirit. So I was called a quack. I was called a fraud, which I initially resented, but then I got used to it.

When your mind is tranquil and at peace with the universe, when it has become void of all thought - you become meditation.

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes

Your character holds the key to your trustworthiness.

I just did an ad with Microsoft. I'm dressed as Napoleon, and I get to slap Bill Gates.

He looked at me like I was beautiful.

Europe was not as outraged by Auschwitz as by Guantanamo Bay.