I wish I could go tell 12-year-old me like I don't worry that you just fainted in front of all the girls, one day you'll be able to make this into an episode of TV.

The more you do stuff, the better you get at dealing with how you still fail at it a lot of the time.

Ill book a ticket on some garbage airline. I dont wanna name an actual airline so lets make one up, lets just call it like Delta Airlines

I was always the squarest person in the cool room, and alternatively, sometimes the weirder person at the mainstream table.

Why do people shush animals? Theyve never spoken

I have a lot of stories about being a kid because it was the last time I was interesting.

I'm a very lucky person. I'm an idiot, and I've shoveled through life rather nicely so far, so I don't feel like I deserve good treatment.

If you’re comparing the badness of two words and you won’t even say one of them [the n-word], that’s the worse word.

All my money is in a savings account. My dad has explained the stock market to me maybe 75 times. I still don't understand it.

I plan to join the 'SNL' band as a maraca player and stand behind saxophonist Lenny Pickett. That way they will at least cut to me before commercial breaks. I'll be sure to look right into camera.

I like when things are crazy. Something good comes out of exhaustion.

People can't live with change if there's not a changeless core inside them.

The heart, I think, which is the home of all things rhythmic, is where learned poems go to live.

I totally don't know what to do." He got up and started pacing. "Am I supposed to get you a present? Or maybe a card. I'm completely lost.

If I could have said it, I shouldn't have had to dance it.

All real change requires risk. You must take risks every day of your life. You must get up each morning and ask...: What can I do that is different?

We forgive just so long as we love.

Faith converses with the angels, and antedates the hymns of glory.

Myths are stories that express meaning, morality or motivation. Whether they are true or not is irrelevant.

The only noble thing a man can do with money is to build a schooner.

God grant you the strength to fight off the temptations of surrender.