I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just go, "Excuse me, I'm not here right now, If you just leave a message, I can walk away."

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Around our enthusiasm, are the ways to surround our destinies.

A psychologist’s job (if it’s done well) is to get you to seriously laugh at yourself.

Judas sold his soul for thirty pieces of silver

You can't lie a lifetime, son. Either you gon' tell the truth, or the truth's gon' tell on you

Anything that prevents you from taking an action or actions that might reasonably dispel legitimate anxieties. Fear is what paralyzes you.

I have become my own father.

A woman says what is on her heart while a man says what is on his mind.

The realists do not take the photograph for a 'copy' of reality, but for an emanation of past reality, a magic, not an art.

Man has come to dominate the planet thanks to two essential traits. One is intelligence. The other has been the absolute willingness to kill anyone and anything that gets in his way.

With the dead there is no rivalry, with the dead there is no change.