I wish all those who've found God, would tell the rest of us where he's been hiding.

If you're gonna burn a bridge behind you, make sure you've crossed it first.

Lately the muse has been treating me like Ike treated Tina.

A little stupid is like a little forest fire. If you happen upon some stupid, please stomp it out before it spreads.

Just a thought for all you God-fearin', gun-lovin', Bible-thumpin' 2nd Amendment patriots. If it turns out Heaven's a gun-free zone, what's plan B???

God might not be dead, but he's sure as hell missing in action.

99% of all problems can be solved by money -- and for the other 1% there's alcohol.

A friend told me that one day he and I would be rich and famous. I told him that I'd trade my half of the fame, for his half of the money.

God doesn't send atheists to Hell -- there's no room with all the Christians down there.

If Heaven actually exists, I don't need anyone to be my real estate broker. After all, what is religion but an attempt to sell you a share in the ultimate gated community?

If a person has no conscience, it's called being a sociopath. If a corporation has no conscience, it's called capitalism.

Coming home seemed to have started the healing process. No longer vivid and garish, the memories seemed to be covered in gossemer, fading behind a curtain of time and forgiveness.

The scene is France. The theater is the world.

Good company in a journey makes the way to seem the shorter.

I sang a song in Hindi; nobody even knew what that was. Singing about Native American issues, nobody did that... I had no reason to want to copy anybody else... All I had was my originality.

Therefore if a man look sharply and attentively, he shall see Fortune; for though she be blind, yet she is not invisible.

I have found that meditation has helped me with my academic career and has given me insights into musical composition and software design.

Money writes books, money sells them. Give me not righteousness, O Lord, give me money, only money.

Fact is stranger than fiction. You see people walking down the street that would never be allowed on television. You have to tone it down.

The White House is the leakiest place I've ever been in. (On special measures to ensure secrecy of plans to bomb Libya)

The golden eye of justice sees, and requites the unjust man.