I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it.

I want to rob a bank with a BB gun. "Give me all your money or I will give you a dimple! I will be rich, you will be cute. We both win."

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

I wanted to get a tape recorder, but I got a parrot instead. I think I did that joke backwards.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

My roommate says, "I'm going to take a shower and shave. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird quiz where he reveals the answer first.

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1,000 of something is too many. I'll have 1,000 pieces of noodles.

Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

The worldly life means a puzzle of ‘wrong beliefs’.

If you check your personal blind spots, you can be able to guard against focusing on what you cannot do, but reduce the areas of weakness by taking their space with more of your strengths.

You get so afraid of failure and so afraid of losing and so afraid of not being the best that it's not a natural drive - it's born out of fear of failure. Which helps in Hollywood.

While I wouldn't object to work at a restaurant or a different place that sells decent-or-better food, I think that I can learn much more by becoming a coder.

The care of the soul is 'a matter of the highest importance;' beyond any thing which can be brought into comparison with it.

I think there are certain subjects I don't want to tackle, that I don't think I could do a good job with. I don't think I'd be good with... broad comedy? I don't know. Maybe I would.

Science is meaningless because it gives no answer to our question, the only question important for us: 'What shall we do and how shall we live?'

I wonder what it's like to live in Tinaville. I get the feeling it's very shiny there.

I want to do for you what the spring does for the cherry trees

This is the very coinage of your brain: this bodiless creation ecstasy.