I wish the English still possessed a shred of the old sense of humour which Puritanism, and dyspepsia, and newspaper reading, and tea-drinking have nearly extinguished.

Distrust of authority should be the first civic duty.

To find a friend one must close one eye. To keep him...two.

A man who is stingy with saffron is capable of seducing his own grandmother.

A man can believe a considerable deal of rubbish, and yet go about his daily work in a rational and cheerful manner.

He talks about the Scylla of Atheism and the Charybdis of Christianity - a state of mind which, by the way, is not conducive to bold navigation.

You can tell the ideals of a nation by its advertisements.

If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things.

Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it.

Bouillabaisse is only good because cooked by the French, who, if they cared to try, could produce an excellent and nutritious substitute out of cigar stumps and empty matchboxes.

Why always "not yet"? Do flowers in spring say "not yet"?

I hope people of the future will remember my books for being burned, and I challenge an elite few to imagine the embers of the last copy.

You have to live to really know things, my love

Whenever there is a conflict between human rights and property rights, human rights must prevail.

In every book I write, I try to name-check the most prominent influences, or the most prominent conscious influences.

I write everything. I have that control issue with my music. That's why I'm not in a band.

So can you do me a favor? If I pull it together, make it sooner than later.

However, even a strong government can't perform miracles. It needs money from the taxpayers.

Hunches are a kind of subterranean logic shorthand.

What of soul was left, I wonder, when the kissing had to stop?

I'm thrilled to get hired every once in a while.