I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.

Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.

One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.

He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.

I don't mind growing old. I'm just not used to it.

Genius is when you strike a chord accidently, and the ensuing music is beyond your control

Try not to eat after 7 P.M. Try to stay away from heavy food in the night, like hamburgers and chicken nuggets. Eat that stuff in the morning or early afternoon.

The most certain sign of wisdom is cheerfulness.

I just woke up and found a large butterfly on me. When did that happen?

I'm a rich man. To have everything you need is the definition of affluence.

The greater the privilege, the more hidden the arrogance. The Emperor of China need not exist.

In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

Life is about being a versatile athlete and training in all realms of life.

Moderate labor of the body conduces to the preservation of health, and cares many initial diseases.