I won't have to miss smoking any more. Nobody smokes where I'm going: It's like a row of restaurants in California.

Whoever called snooker "chess with balls" was rude, but right.

Snooker is just chess with balls.

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.

The British secret service was staffed at one point almost entirely by alcoholic homosexuals working for the KGB

A sceptic finds Dallas absurd. A cynic thinks the public doesn't

It is only when they go wrong that machines remind you how powerful they are.

A life without fame can be a good life, but fame without a life is no life at all.

Fiction is life with the dull bits left out.

Disco dancing is just the steady thump of a giant moron knocking in an endless nail.

They had a... dog called Bluey. A know psychopath, Bluey would attack himself if nothing else was available.

Be kind to all and rude to no one.

There is no hope of joy except in human relations.

Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime’s work, but it’s worth the effort.

I love European movies and I kind of grew up on European films.

Whatever you cannot understand, you cannot possess.

That's part of our policy, is not to be taken seriously because I think our opposition, whoever they may be in all their manifest forms, don't know how to handle humour.

When you read a great book, you don't escape from life, you plunge deeper into it.

Garages, barns and attics are always older than the buildings to which they are attached.

When I was a boy, we had forty five statues of saints in my house. Ever have ninety eyes looking at you every time you have to go to the bathroom?

We ought so to behave to one another as to avoid making enemies of our friends, and at the same time to make friends of our enemies.