I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

You shouldn’t live for yourself alone but you must also learn to live the Christian life

The lighter something is, the easier it is to darken it.

Winning the Revolutionary War, or the Civil War, or World War II were the turning points in our history, the sine qua non of our forward progress.

Don't let failure deter you; use it as a stepping-stone and an educational experience towards making your mark on the world.

What don't kill me will just make me crazier

I am much more interested in achieving unison with nature than in copying it.

Guys have a level of insecurity and vulnerability that's exponentially bigger than you think. With the primal urge to be alpha comes extreme heartbreak. The harder we fight, the harder we fall.

I'll make you mine, lovers said in old books. They never said, I'll make you me.

You look at somebody's work as an actor and you can see their emotional life being fed into it and you can kind of feel them through it.

I'd like to do some more classical work if I do some more theatre.