I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Well sure, who doesn't need a boyfriend? but realistically, those exotic creatures are hard to come by. At least a quality one.

The great and the mighty that use their assets and power to subjugate people are demonstrating oppression.

It’s sad to see how many relationships start as just a distraction from boredom, a cover up so they don’t have to ever deal with the true pain below

One’s love for his country is a very sacred emotion that is intertwined with their sense of moral obligation and is an essential part of one’s identity.

In science, the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to whom the idea first occurs.

When I was a kid and going to the movies I was overwhelmed by the way women were always second-class citizens in the film.

I play American football every Saturday, which I find calming.

How are the eyes?' 'Oh, excellent,' he said. 'I mean, they're not in my head is the only problem.

I don't mind losing. Losing is like breathing to me.

I don't feel old or young, I just am