I wonder where we go when we die?” “…Pittsburgh?” “You mean if we’re good or if we’re bad?

The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

That's the difference between me and the rest of the world. Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria!

Nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around.

What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

We all have different desires and needs, but if we don't discover what we want from ourselves and what we stand for, we will live passively and unfulfilled.

When birds burp, it must taste like bugs.

The truth is, most of us discover where we are headed when we arrive.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.

Selling out is usually more a matter of buying in. Sell out, and you’re really buying into someone else’s system of values, rules and rewards.

My life is ruled by four W’s: my writing, my work, my wife, and my whisky. Not necessarily in that order.

He didn't even know how to talk about it. He had practiced not talking about the things he knew until no man could be called his equal.

Government 'help' to business is just as disastrous as government persecution... the only way a government can be of service to national prosperity is by keeping its hands off.

If he slices the budget like he slices a golf ball, the nation has nothing to worry about.

Thank God, I also am an American!

I think writers are a lot like lawyers. We feed off the misfortunes of people, even ourselves.

There is so little time for us all; I need to be able to say what I want quickly and to as many people as possible.

Leave people alone when they tell you to leave them alone. If they mean it, they need it.

Nobody notices your sorrow, your pain, but everyone notices your mistakes.

Mechanical wings allow us to fly, but it is with our minds that we make the sky ours