I wonder why you can always read a doctor's bill and you can never read his prescription.

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

The past always looks better than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.

The greatest people in history were those who lived a life of significance and service. You can join them if you’re willing to serve.

Be simple

There is nothing so pitiful as a young cynic because he has gone from knowing nothing to believing nothing.

...That's the difference between backpackers and holiday makers. The former can't help but invite hassle whilst the latter pay to escape it.

Careful with what you know and what you experience. Sometimes, closed mouth with memories is better than opened mouth with stories.

Chuck said, “Hey. How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?” Cawley looked over at him. “I’ll bite. How many?” “Fish, ” Chuck said and let loose a bright bark of a laugh.

In politics, a picture is worth a thousand words.

In fact, we started off with two or three different shells and the shell had life of its own.

If you spend your whole life being careful not to break anything, you'll get terribly bored, you know...I can't think of anything more fun than being impulsive!

The object of all education should be to increase the usefulness of man - usefulness to himself and others.