I worry about Rick Perry. One, he's too conservative, Two, his debating skills. And three ... Oh crap, what was three?

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Make this moment magnificent!

The grace and beauty of life will be clean gone when we all become useful men.

Borna virus is not a retrovirus. It doesn't actually insert its own genes into our cells. What it does is just hangs out near our DNA and uses some of the molecular machinery to copy itself.

I think that my fascination with clothes generally was motivated by trying to create the characters for the stage.

We should preserve every scrap of biodiversity as priceless while we learn to use it and come to understand what it means to humanity.

Yesterday is but a memory, Tomorrow an uncharted course, So live today so it will be a memory without remorse.

The small day-to-day decisions will determine the course of your lives.

The specific course you decide upon is, within certain parameters, less important than the vigor with which you execute it.

The issue of imitation has always occupied fly fishers, and part of its endless attraction has been the imponderable uncertainty of how much it matters to the fish in the first place.

Downtown. Lights on buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.