I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

Happiness often sneaks in through a door you didn't know you left open.

When archaeologists discover the missing arms of Venus de Milo, they will find she was wearing boxing gloves.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.

My only regret in the theater is that I could never sit out front and watch me.

There is something about a closet that makes a skeleton terribly restless.

My wife was too beautiful for words, but not for arguments.

You called me at four thirty-four....I hate four thirty-four. I think four thirty-four should be banned and replaced with something more reasonable, like, say, nine twelve.

When you were a child, I didn't tell you about the evil in the world, all that lay in wait.

Secrets only ended up hurting other people.

Are we concentrating more on the kingdom of this world than on the kingdom that is not of this world?

The more I compose, the more I know that I don't know it all. I think it's a good way to start. If you think you know it all, the work becomes a repetition of what you've already done.

I am entirely persuaded that the American public is more reasonable, restrained and more mature than most of our industry's program planners believe.

I confirm that Mexico and the United States will continue to reinforce the links of cooperation and mutual respect.

Determination is kind of like rhythm: you can't teach it.

Sure enough at Oxford, I was another Yank half a step behind.