I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I passionately believe that's it's not just what you say that counts, it's also how you say it - that the success of your argument critically depends on your manner of presenting it.

Well the book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.

The first reason for people's slavery is our ignorance, and above all, our ignorance of ourselves.

Any committee is only as good as the most knowledgeable, determined and vigorous person on it. There must be somebody who provides the flame.

An abstract painting need in 50 years by no means look "abstract" any longer.

The man who carried out the attack is still in power and still insane, so we shall expect another attack any minute.

I dream of a Digital India where farmers are empowered with real-time information to be connected with Global Markets.

The finer the instrument, the greater the power. The mind is much finer and more powerful than the body.

We've had this date with each other from the beginning.

The intention which is fixed on God as its only end will keep people steady in their purposes, and deliver them from being the joke and scorn of fortune.