I would like to thank ABC for giving me the Drew Carey award. It only goes to one lucky guy with glasses a year, and gosh darn it, tonight I'm the king of the... general area.

If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.

Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.

Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.

I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.

No one is a natural - you have to work at being a natural.

Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.

We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.

I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.

You leave white people alone in constant isolation for 2,000 years, and you know what their musical contribution will be? Riverdance!

No harm's done to history by making it something someone would want to

We will never be more than we are meant to be!

It is better not to express what one means than to express what one does not mean.

Ladies and gentlemen, the great number seven, Mickey Mantle.

After independence was gained, one of the first Acts passed by the Greek government was for the protection and preservation of national monuments.

I've always been an Industrial fan. People who say "Industrial is out" are the same people who will say "IDM is out" in a year or two. Ambulance chasers.

Vanity is not half a bad principle, if it will but stick to legitimate business.

You gazed at the moon and fell in the gutter.

I've only ever gone into studio films with people I really like.

As a bookish adolescent, I sopped up texts as if I were blotting paper and they were fluid.