I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

I don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.

...in the business of writing what one accumulates is not expertise but uncertainties. Which is but another name for craft.

If you start most of your sentences with 'Why Can't', 'Why Not', or 'What if', you'll build a stronger imagination.

My whole life, you have made decisions for me.""Your whole life, " Georgiana pointed out, "totals nine years.

In the indications of female poverty there can be no disguise. No woman dresses below herself from caprice.

Accustomed as I am to public speaking, I know the futility of it.

A lot will have to happen globally and personally before the stars would align.

When somebody shares, everybody wins.

Harriet Miers is totally qualified for the Supreme Court of the United States. Her legal background, her absolute leadership in the legal field when she was a practicing lawyer are unqualified.

Travel is at its most rewarding when it ceases to be about your reaching a destination and becomes indistinguishable from living your life

I often feel that life is about to begin, only to realize it is almost over.