I would prefer to listen to a French classical composer like Olivier Messiaen than to the pop hits of the day.

Son, if you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

The scary thing about the future... there will be tiny cameras everywhere, and they'll be flying around like mosquitoes and drones. That will be bad. Drones are scary. You can't reason with a drone.

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.

God often gives nuts to toothless people.

Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.

You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.

I’ll keep it short and sweet - Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

We've got a bunch of new writers now who tell me they grew up watching The Simpsons. It's bizarre, and they're writing some very funny stuff.

Politics and justice seldom walk hand in hand.

that profit which good things bestowed on us by teaching to seek pleasure elsewhere than in the barren satisfaction of worldly wealth.

To get away well is so very much! And to get away well is often so very difficult!

The songs are all indexes of a time in the past when I was writing them.

A man who wouldn't cheat for a poke don't want one bad enough. --Augustus "Gus" McCrae

I'm the last of the mad ones.

How easily a fathers tenderness is recalled, and how quickly a son's offenses vanish at the slightest word of repentance!

Most books and movies that are handed to teenagers are filled with stereotypes.

Money lending is a horrible profession. If we are to call it otherwise it is lawful plundering.

You can make jeans and a t-shirt super stylish. It's what you make of it, you know?