I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

Going against the storm requires strength, energy and a will to succeed.

How strange and ironic it is- all the words i long to sayare lost in words.

Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!

Dates with actors, finally, just seemed to me evenings of shop talk. I got sick of it after a hile. So the more famous I became, the more I narrowed down my choices.

Every time I went on TV I got a threat.

The advice I have for new artists is this - write great songs and play them live as often as possible. Get residencies all over town and crush it.

The real affliction of old age is remorse.

I put my heart, soul and tears into the game and this is what I get. I don't know what to do. My wife can't sleep at night. I hold my daughter all night. I am ashamed I played cricket.

I should never stand alone in this desert world, but that manna would drop from heaven, if I would but rise with every rising sun to gather it.

And sure, there's a universe where I made a bonehead call that blew the Super Bowl. But that's not my universe.