I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?

I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

Let's face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?

The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.

If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.

False hope really makes you cynical.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

It's not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That's predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.

You know what happens when windmills collapse into the sea? A splash.

Here's the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He's never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He's totally - he's the white Kanye.

Do not have your concert first, and then tune your instrument afterwards. Begin the day with the Word of God and prayer, and get first of all into harmony with Him.

If I look at the mass, I will never act. If I look at the one, I will.

If you could understand impermanence deeply, you would develop more equanimity. You would not get too excited about either the ups and downs of life.

Nothing is easier to avoid than publicity. If one genuinely doesn't want it, one doesn't get it.

Karate is a defensive art from beginning to end.

The clear, unmistakable sign of a bureaucrat is somebody who worries about whether he has a window.

Is virtue raised by culture, or self-sown?

Escaping goblins to be caught by wolves!” he said, and it became a proverb, though we now say ‘out of the frying-pan into the fire’ in the same sort of uncomfortable situations.

You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run.

It's better to feel sorry for doing something bad than to feel superior for doing something good.